Friday, 15 September 2017

Will he get back in touch after a breakup?

This is such a mammoth question, but I'm three coffees down so let's do it. It's not a question that will give a simple 'yes' or 'no' answer, either. There are so many variables that could factor in whether or not you ex is going to get back in touch - and if so, when he will.

First off, to get closer to an answer, you need to categorise what type of man he is based on your break-up (I'll refer back to these later). 

Type 1: Generally just a decent guy and/or afraid of hurting anyone's feelings
Type 2: Lazy and/or incapable of fighting for the relationship
Type 3: Stubborn and never in the wrong
Type 4: Borderline narcissist and/or has commitment issues

The answer to this question also depends on who it was that did the breaking up and for what reason. 

Did you feel like he wasn't putting the effort into your relationship and you were getting exhausted with investing all your time, emotions and maybe even money - for very little in return (type 2 & 4)? Or, did he have a wandering penis and you finally snapped and saw him for the waste of space that he was (type 4)? Maybe it wasn't anything huge, maybe it was stubbornness on his part that LET him let you walk out the door - or that he thought he could find better - or didn't want the commitment so left you (type 3).

The real question here isn't actually WHY it ended, it's why are you here reading this article about whether he will or won't call? The very fact that you're doing that tells me that you're obsessing over the idea that he still wants you, that he'll still call, that you're hoping there's still a chance you'll rekindle things.

And my question to you is, even if he did contact you - WHY do you want him to? What are you hoping to get out of it? If you shut that door, why is it you're reopening it and does he even deserve that little crack of hope if he's a type 2 or 4? 

Just some food for thought there. I'm not going to dish you out a lecture on why you should be picking better men instead of going back to previous failed relationships (though you might want to have a look at 'How to stop falling for men who don't want commitment'). But the question is: will he get in touch? And this is where knowing his 'type' helps...

*If he's a type 1 and the relationship ended not out of cheating or his emotional issues (maybe it was just bad timings in your lives), then he might actually have enough respect for you to know that staying away and cutting off contact is ultimately the best thing for both of you. So, no, if he knows it's over and for the best - even if he wanted to, there's a good chance he wouldn't hit your number up. 

*If he's a type 2 and seems to just coast by through relationships without actually proactively trying to drive it forward, then he might possibly get in contact. But if he does, be aware that it might be because he's just too lazy to find a new girlfriend so going back to you feels like an easy option.

*If he's a type 3 and is stubborn AF and refuses to accept some responsibility for the relationship ending, then if you meant enough to him, he'll probably need a certain amount of sulking time before something clicks in his stubborn mind that goes 'shit I've lost something good'. Though, depending on his level of pigheadedness, he might be TOO stubborn to admit he was wrong, and will carry on with his life knowing that he lost a gem. If that's the case, you can take comfort in the fact that while you can do better, he probably knows he can't.

*If he's a type four, then yes, he almost certainly will get back in touch at SOME point. I have a lot of experience with this particular type, and they lack the basic sense of morality and respect to let you go once they've done something shitty or you finally ended things. This type of man is all about their gain, their feelings, and their control over you - so, if for no other reason than to prove that they can, they'll probably test the waters again at some point. Maybe when they're in-between other women or alone on a Sunday night. Whatever the reason is, you'll know deep down if your ex fits this bill.

There are no hard and fast rules for any of this though, and like I said, there are a lot of varying factors in whether he'll call or not. But, one thing to remember is while us women process and deal with emotions early on in a break-up, men don't. It takes them weeks, if not months to start to deal with the consequences (be it emotional or physical) of the relationship ending.


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