5 real AF dating lessons to learn from 'He's Just Not That Into You'

If you're looking for a movie that speaks more truth than the entire first series of Sex and the City, then you need to find 129 minutes of your life to watch this, if you haven't already. Yes, it's brutal, but also enlightening AF - and whoever wrote it hit the nail bang on the head when they highlighted the daily struggles women face in a tough, testosterone-fuelled dating world.

Gigi, who I admittedly found annoying at the start (again, a bit like Carrie in season 1), is basically just every single one of us. She might go about it in a more car-crash way, but she's just a girl looking to find her 'one', and she encounters all the types of men that we all do - mr. unavailable, mr. asshole and mr. right now.

The point is, this movie is full to the brim of really useful dating lessons to learn from, and will ultimately help you with your own dating life. Some of them are brutally honest realities that you might not want to know, and some of them are exasperating facts that we'll all be able to say 'Amen' to...

Lesson 1: You're more likely 'the rule', not 'the exception'

If you take anything from this film it's this; you are actually more likely to be a rule than an exception. I touched on it a bit in my last post 'How can I stop falling for men who don't want commitment?' If you like the type of men that come with a challenge, or date the sort that you THINK you'll be able to change, then you always assume that you will be that one girl to make them reform. But the cold, hard reality is that it rarely happens like that. Sure, there will be a couple of exceptions that will have a magical story about how they managed to 'change' their future hubby into a perfect partner, but the RULE is that you'll end up disappointed and wasting your time.

Lesson 2:  Your friends will probably cushion your dating truths

Friends are the best. When you're having doubts about some guy you're seeing - they're there to listen to you and cheer you up. But, the thing is, their aim IS to cheer you up and that often means giving you a 'best case scenario'. Think about it, how often do you do it? When a good friend comes to you distraught that the man she's really into suddenly vanishes from her life, what do you say? Maybe 'well fuck him'. But, most likely it will be something along the lines of 'maybe he's just got stuff going on in his life', or 'maybe he lost his phone'.
Take what they say as the comfy pillow but not as gospel because the truth is, he's probably just not be that into you.

Lesson 3:  Talking is a lot better than casually stalking

One of my favourite moments from the movie is when Gigi finds out where her crush goes for drinks after work, then decides to stop by... to return him a pen. It's funny, but there is an important lesson here - obsession is never healthy. If you're at a point when you're dating someone and you're obsessing about every little thing that they do and say, then there's something off. Most likely it's because they're withholding committing, not spending enough time with you, or not contacting you when they said they would. A man that's stirring up unhealthy anxiety in you isn't worth the stress. Don't return his pen, don't go looking for him in spots you know he goes - either talk to him about it or find someone who will treat you with more respect. 

Lesson 4:  If he treats you like shit, he probably doesn't give a shit

Young Gigi raises such an important topic in the first few seconds of the movie, and it's one that I've spotted coming up more and more on my Twitter feed. We're taught growing up that men who are mean are actually just interested in us. But honestly, that's completely ridiculous. If a man is treating you like crap, then he's just a crap person. If he really liked you, he'd show it with an ounce of respect instead of bringing you down. There's a difference between joking around and some harmless flirty teasing and being an asshole (see point number four on '5 signs he's into me') - be quick to spot the difference and get out if you think he's just not a nice person.

Lesson 5:  When you move on, that's when they come back

Okay, raise your hand if you've ever felt personally victimised by a man that decided to want you as soon as you felt you were moving on from him and his drama? It's a frustrating truth that men seem to have a 6th sense for knowing and reappearing just as you've decided to give them a proper kick out of your life. In Gigi's case, her man treated her badly, then realised he wanted her back after she moved on with someone he stupidly set her up with. What you choose to do when your ex gets back in touch is entirely up to you - but just know that it doesn't always have a fairytale ending - sometimes men can just be little boys who don't like the idea of someone playing with their toy. It's not necessarily true love, or a romantic gesture.

"A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. "