We've all heard of the phrase 'once a cheater, always a cheater' - but how much truth is there to it? I wonder, has it just become the 'thing' we say, without really thinking about where it stems from, or what it really means?
I think most of us are so used to dishing it out as advice to our scorned friends, that we've stopped really thinking about their individual situations. We wouldn't class someone who took piano lessons as a child as necessarily a pianist in their adult years - so why are we so quick to brand unfaithfulness as an eternal trait or characteristic?
Is it possible that a man can cheat once and never slip up (or into something) again?
The whole thinking behind the phrase is that once a man (or a woman) cheats, it becomes easier to do it again as they have a decreased 'emotional reaction' the second, third, fourth time round. Basically, what tests show is that lying and cheating is a slippery slope, that once on, is hard to jump off.
Hard, but not impossible. To keep on going down that metaphorical slutty slide, there has to be a certain lack of guilt - or at least, a very suppressed amount of it. To cheat more than once (or what I like to call 'pre-meditated' cheating) means the person is consciously aware of the hurt they are potentially causing (especially if they've been caught out before), and feel self-entitled enough to think they can keep on doing it without consequences. Or, worse, that they've weighed up the consequences in their mind and they've decided to still keep on putting their d*cks in places they needn't be.
These type of men are the repeat offenders - the ones that have it in them to CONTINUE to cause emotional pain, despite who they may be hurting. One time offenders can make a mistake and use that feeling of guilt and pain from seeing a loved on hurting at something they did, to encourage them never to cheat again.
So how do you know which offender category he falls into?
By seeing how they react once they've been caught. A one time offender is likely to accept responsibility, offer to work through any issues and prove their future fidelity in whatever way they possibly can.
A repeat offender is likely to shrug off the severity of their actions, try to share the blame with their partner (i.e, he thinks he wasn't getting enough sex at home or he was reacting the unhappy vibes in the relationship), or walk away without really explaining why they did it - because they just don't want to have to deal with the hassle of an argument.
Not every cheater is the same, and the reasons for cheating differ from person to person - and from relationship to relationship. There is no 'rule' for whether someone will and won't cheat again, but there are certain types of men (the repeat offenders) that have it in them to do keep doing it. The question really is, are you happy to settle for that kind of uncertainty?
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