Let me paint you a nice little picture...You break up with your ex and for the few months following you have a blissful amount of silence. Sure, you're upset, hurt that he could go for so long without contact, and it's a battle every day to make sure you don't pick up your phone and call him when you're two glasses deep into a wine and movies night with the girls (if this sounds like you, read 5 times you need to put your phone the F down and ignore him).
But you manage it. The struggle was real but you made it through, and you're just starting to feel like there's a life outside of him - and then WHAM - he pops up on your whatsapp or on your texts and all that good work you've been doing is at the point of shattering.
This, my friend, is zombieing. When something you thought had died just comes right back to life and hits you up. It's different, and arguably more brutal that ghosting (read about that gem here), because at least when you've been ghosted it means they've cut all contact indefinitely. There's no unwanted surprise when they do magically appear again, as if back from the fecking dead.
So what do you do when this happens? Do you have the willpower of a nun and ignore them completely? Do you send them a passive aggressive message? Do you send them a meme and then submit your text screenshot to Buzzfeed for their next feature on 'the 10 most brutal replies to an ex you wish you would have thought of'?
You can do what you like.
There, I said it. Sure, that's probably not the advice you ere expecting but I'm not going to tell you to delete, erase, unfollow him. You CAN do what you like - the power is in your hands now (said in a Paddy McGuinness voice). But before your fingers get busy tapping away a reply - there's a few things you should think about that will lead you to the outcome that you really want, and not just a quick-fire reply in the spur of the moment that you'll regret further down the line.
Be your own life coach here for a moment and ask yourself these questions...
Why did it end originally?
If the reason you ended was infidelity, irreconcilable differences or you both just knew it wouldn't work in the long run, then why would a few months later be any different? If nothing has changed about the situation then perhaps starting things up again just isn't a good idea.
What do you want to achieve from answering him?
Do you want to prove you're doing fine? Do you want to hook up some more times so you can show off your hot post-breakup bod? Do you just like the idea of him wanting you? If your answer is you just like the idea of the attention, then maybe there's someone else you can get that from that isn't this ex.
Will this make all the pain you went through count for nothing?
If you know it won't work again (deep down, you will know), and by answering his message you think you'll just be reopening a painful wound, then is it worth it? Is this man worth going through it all again?
Do you see him as the father of your children?
I was asked this by a friend after a particularly nasty break-up the other year. Even if you're not even thinking about marriage or kids, just have a think - could you picture him being a good father? It tells you a lot about a man, and whether you can really see him with you in the long-term. If you find the idea laughable or can't picture it at ALL, then maybe he's not Mr.Right - and do you have the time and energy to give to just a Mr.Right Now?
Like I said, the choice is all yours, and you will do what you want to do - regardless of what advice I (or your friends) dish out to you. But what I will say is THINK about these questions before making a wine-fuelled or emotion-fuelled decision. Be logical for a moment. Perhaps this really IS the love of your life, and rekindling things is the best option for both of you - only you really know that (or see: How do you know if he's 'the one'?). But, if the conclusion is that it didn't work/will never work/you're better off without him, then what really is the point in beating a dead horse?
After all, the longer you're with the wrong person, the more time you're cheating yourself out of being with the right one.
No comments
Post a Comment