Not finding the right man? You're looking in the wrong places

Looking in the wrong places. That makes it sound there's some secret place where the eligible men of London congregate together. Mind, that would explain why you never see all those fit men you've spied on the tube ever again (where do they live? Clapham?). There isn't such a place I'm afraid - well, not that I know of anyway.

What I mean by this is, you might not be hitting the right spots for the TYPE of man you want to meet. I'll set you out a little scenario and you tell me if it sounds like someone you know (you, I mean you).

You: 'I'm sick of not meeting any good men. I don't want to buy a new uncomfortable dress and go out to a club and spend all my money on watered down vodka cokes.'

Friend: 'Well, we could try a bar?'

You: 'Yeah I guess..'

But here's the nugget of enlightenment that will change the way you approach your search for a partner. Prepare to be liberated my anti-clubling. 

You. Don't. Have. To.

That's right, you're free. Free from stilettos, overpriced booze, and club promoters. You're out. 

And once you accept that this just isn't you (on paper, it's not your type), then you can start looking at what IS (note: If you're a club queen and it's working for you, carry on. I wish I had some of your energy. But you're reading this so I suspect you're ready to chuck away those blister patches and come join the rest of us in our comfortable block heels).

So many of us assume that to meet a man, you have to go to a place where there's enough alcohol for them to get up enough courage to stagger over and start up a conversation. And inevitably, you'll feel miserable when you've put the effort into getting ready and going out, only to end the night with no phone numbers and some cheesy chips.

Why do you put yourself through the misery when you could be out doing something you ENJOY?

When you're somewhere you feel comfortable, it comes across in your body language, and when you're putting out good vibes, people will naturally be drawn to that (and not the girl at the bar that's trying not to yawn into her glass of prosecco).

So what can you do? Get a pen and paper out and we'll work through this together.

Got one? Great.

1. Start by making a list of what you really enjoy doing. Do you like art? Do you love coffee shops? Do you like visiting sights? Do you love comedy shows or plays? Do you like food markets? You tell me - what do you really like doing in your spare time?

2.  Once you've noted down a couple of things, get out your phone or your laptop (or if you're doing this on your work desktop, I respect that), and Google a couple of well recommended places to go for those things you like doing.

For example: You like food markets? Type in 'best food markets in 'nameofyourlocation'. See what people are saying. In London, you might find the Model Market in Lewisham is a top hit, or the one on Shoreditch highstreet with great hotdogs. 

3. Once you have your list and a couple of options of places and events to go near you, then enlist a friend(s) you think might enjoy it too, to come with you.

4. Go. I mean actually go, don't just shut your notebook. Evening events are great because work is over and people tend to be in chattier, more relaxed moods. Get talking to people, move in circles you actually feel comfortable to be a part of. I guarantee you, you will find someone who a) shares more common interests with you, and b) you won't feel so deflated if you don't happen to find 'the love of your life', because you've still spent your time doing something you LIKE anyway.