Do you often feel frustrated at the thought that men are treating you like an option in their lives, and never a priority? Do you constantly feel like you're battling to get the time, attention and effort that you know you deserve?
It's something all of us have faced, at one point. But you know what? You don't have to feel that way - or, in fact - you don't have to LET anyone make you feel that way.
If you're a people-pleaser, and/or you feel guilty or selfish in demanding someone's time and energy, then chances are you've let that person get away with draining you of your energy, while they give you sweet F-all back. Do you find that you're always the one to text first, or suggest date ideas, or offer to fit into their schedules - even though that means cancelling/re-jigging some of your plans? It's exhausting.
So, just HOW do you stop men from seeing you as just an option (amongst other women they may be dating, or just as a 'second thought'), instead of making you a priority (the one they're exclusively dating and giving their time and efforts to)?
The key is how YOU act, and not in trying to alter their behaviour. By deciding on your dating non-negotiables and learning when not to compromise, you can influence how a man will act around you from the get-go. This doesn't mean you have to change who you are or become any less nice - it's just about giving off the right attitude that will show him you won't be putting in 100% of your effort, in exchange for the bare minimum.
1. Know your worth
There's so much to say about how important it is to always remember your value and your worth. If you do, then you'll be less likely to accept mediocre or lukewarm treatment from men (or anyone actually). Ask yourself - what do you bring to a relationship? Are you kind, compassionate, funny, witty, intelligent? Remember what makes you unique (everyone has something, we just forget sometimes), and know that someone out there would kill to spend time with you. If this one isn't, well, it's his loss not yours.
2. Decide your date non-negotiables
By this I mean work out what matters most to you in a relationship, and don't compromise on it for no man (sassy emoji). Do you need to feel respected? Do you want someone that can be around your friends/family? Do you want someone that enjoys doing the same things you do? Great, then remember these. Don't go compromising on the things that mean the most to you, just because he might not want the same. If he's not ticking the boxes, don't change yours just to tick his.
4. Get the balance right
Dating is meant to be fun, and while you can stick to your guns and remember your worth - you don't have to do it with an unapproachable attitude. The trick is to make a man feel good when he's around you, as people are naturally drawn to good vibes. Have humour, laugh and be playful - it's endearing. Find a balance of being fun while still accepting no bullshit, and you'll be irresistible.
4. Be prepared to let it go
Sometimes, you can have the right attitude and go through all the right motions and he STILL won't put in the effort you want him to. He won't plan dates, he won't be consistent and he'll still act unavailable - and there's nothing you can do about it. Instead of battling for their attention and bending over backwards to fit into their lives - walk away. Half of understanding your self worth is knowing when to say 'nope, not good enough for me'. It's not easy, but neither is being someone's doormat.
I just want to add something here; never feel like you are to blame for how someone else chooses to treat you. These tips are aimed at helping you to give out the right 'I've got my shit together' attitude, so that when you meet a man you like, it minimises the risk of him pegging you as 'just another option' - but if a man is treating you like the doormat I mentioned above, then that is entirely on him. Don't fall into the 'what could I have done differently' hole - some men really are just emotionally or physically unavailable, and nothing you could or should do will change that.
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