The millennial phenomenon of ghosting is a something I’m hearing more and more often from the women in my life, and it’s a phrase that makes me want to throw my hands up and yell I’M OUT. It’s both frustrating and darn right rude - and if you’re hearing about it for the first time now, then prepare to feel pissed off too. For many singletons it’s something that goes synonymously with dating, and something we’ve started bracing ourselves for.
What is ghosting?
A complete phase out of a romantic relationship - by means of cutting all contact, ignoring messages and possibly deleting the other person off social media (read: ran a fucking mile when the ‘ghoster’ decided they weren’t interested in the ‘ghostee’ anymore).
Why is it happening more now?
It all stems back to options. I spoke about it in ‘Why isn't he asking to meet up?’. The sad truth is that online dating, though convenient in many ways, has turned us all into one big sea of faces - instead of walking, talking, emotional beings.
Back in our parents’ day, you were more likely to date one person at a time (or at least put a baseline effort in) and that meant the break-up usually came with a more personal touch. But, gone are the times when we could expect a face-to-face, or at the very least - a thoughtful message - when they decided something didn’t ‘click’ or would rather not pursue the relationship. It’s just onto the next one, and for a growing number of men, it’s more convenient to ‘ghost’ the old girl instead of getting into a discussion about why it wouldn’t work out (too much emotional baggage they’d rather not deal with).
Because online dating has given us all so many options, we’ve got greedy and started thinking of dates as disposable trash that we can bin and forget about once we’re done with it. And yes, notice I’m saying WE here. I have a couple of female friends who've ignored a man after a date that didn’t do it for them.
The brutality of ghosting, rather like a job interview you thought went well, is you never really know what happened to make this person decide you weren’t the right candidate for them. Did you do something wrong? Did you say something you shouldn’t have? It’s enough to bring out insecurity and self doubt in even the strongest of us.
But let’s just shut that down right there. Anyone that is prepared to ‘ghost’ is weak, bad mannered and really lazy - and did you really want a relationship with someone with those qualities? No.
If it happens to you, please try and distance yourself from it. Take the emotions out and think logically - yes, it hurts to feel unwanted but their actions are more of a reflection on THEM not you.
But let’s just shut that down right there. Anyone that is prepared to ‘ghost’ is weak, bad mannered and really lazy - and did you really want a relationship with someone with those qualities? No.
If it happens to you, please try and distance yourself from it. Take the emotions out and think logically - yes, it hurts to feel unwanted but their actions are more of a reflection on THEM not you.
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