It's a debate that's been going around for years, and it came up in a heated discussion at work today. It seems this controversial little question has people split into two camps; the 'um yes of COURSE my partner is my bestie', and 'no that would be weird'.
I happen to be in that second camp. But, that's just my own personal opinion on the matter. I have a boyfriend who I share almost everything with. We have the same taste in food (bar his love and my hate of garlic), we have the same dry sense of humour, we like the same movies. I also tell him more than probably any of my best girl friends. But, he isn't my best friend because he has other purposes.
He's who I spend sunday afternoons on the sofa with, drag with me to occasions where I need moral backup, he's my motivator when things get a little bit shitty and I struggle to find perspective. He's also excellent in some other areas (let's leave that one right there). But my best friends are the ones I will always have to fall on - because I, being the mild cynic that I am, am well aware that love doesn't always last forever. I want my best friends, and I want my boyfriend, and I don't want to combine the two - purely to guard myself from an inevitable emotional breakdown if it were to end.
When it's good
Some of the greatest relationships are the ones where you really feel like your partner gets you, has respect for you, and supports you unconditionally. These are basic traits you'd want to see in good friendships as well as in relationships. There certainly are 'best friend' qualities that you'd want your partner to have - and it makes a really good foundation if you do have them.
When it's not
A huge chunk of relationships end because too much pressure was placed on one person to fulfil every area of their lives. What I mean by this, is if you enter a relationship and place all of your time, effort and your dreams on their shoulders, then you're setting yourself up for disappointment. A wise woman once said to me: 'I'm married but I don't give him everything. I save 20% for me.'
That's because, like it or not, things do go wrong. Even platonic best friends can argue or part ways at any stage of life. If you're investing 100% of everything into ONE person, then what happens if something didn't go to plan? I'm not advocating keeping your partner at arms distance, but I'm just highlighting the fact that having just one person to act as a best friend, lover, confidante etc, puts a lot of strain on a relationship. No single person can live up to catering for every need you might have.
Whatever you may think about the subject, I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. If you think you're dating/married to your best friend and you're blissfully happy - then something is working. Me? Well, I'm happy dividing up my attitude and dishing it out equally to my poor unsuspecting group of friends and boyfriend.
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